Rejections

Hi dear readers!

its been a while, dah abis pun raya now dah masuk zulkaedah
next month dah raya haji pulak

emmm actually i wanted to share something here
i am back to dating world again
tak salah kan since im no longer anyone's wife now hahaha
its been nearly 9months since we decided to go part ways

early this year till recently, i went out with few guys
some are my mutual friends, some are strangers turn friends
ada yang interested to know me better but i plak tak minat
ada yang i like so much but he didnt see me as his future

to look for someone new is tiring
really
i thought i dah pencen kot dlm phase mencari cinta ni
its been 6 years that ive been in love with him, been loyal with only one man
i never have any interest to look for anyone else since he was my world
no matter how rocky our marriage was at the end of it
but jodoh adalah rahsia Allah
who would have known that last year i celebrated my birthday with him
and this year we didnt even wish each others birthday?
life sometime can be so cruel but we never knew what waiting for us at the end of the tunnel

and here i am facing another rejections after another
but this one is so special
ive been so close with him these past few months
we went to movies, shopping, eating out till late together
just the two of us
ive known him so long, we love to sing together in the car
even he knew my fav songs and verses

hes so kind and nice to me till i discover that i feel something special on us
between us
i was in misery for weeks wondering whether he has the same feeling too
and so one of my friend asking him do we have something special happening?

he said no, theres nothing happened between us
its just a pure kindness
a pure sincerity as friends
never in his life or his mind to take me to the next level
never. he said so.

i was crushed to the pieces
i know i shouldnt develop this feeling at the very first place
its my own fault
but im a normal girl, i have feelings too
i cant hide it nor i can refused it
when someone is being so nice to us, we sometime took it as an interest
as more than friends
plus we both feels so comfortable with each other

and there he is, saying im no more than friends
never than that
please dont misunderstood his kindness as he said

so here i am typing out my frustration on my blog for everyone to see
its tiring.
i just want to love and be loved again
thats the purpose of being on this earth isnt it?
life means nothing without it.

i love being single but at the age of 36 (my bday is yesterday), i want to start new
i want someone new
i want to be wanted, desired and loved

but thats not easy baby.
yg i nak, tanak ngan i
yg i taknak, menunggu jawapan i

well life is never easy
but ive been through divorced, so this rejection means nothing isnt it?
it hurts a little la tipu la tak langsung

sokay i can move on now.

thank you, next!